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Literature Text
Chapter 1
Alexander awoke with sweat trickling down his chin. Still startled from the nightmare, he rose from bed with quivering legs. He had the same nightmare for two weeks, and wondered why something from two years ago was just now haunting him endlessly. Shaking off the uneasy paranoia, Alexander headed to the kitchen to grab an early meal. The floor creaked as he walked, feeling cold and rough under his feet. The room was of an old English furnishing, consisting of a dresser, bed, wardrobe, and a nightstand. The room was lit by the young morning sun peaking through the buildings in the city of Dresden through a small window opening to the left of where he was standing. He exited the room and appeared in the living room quarters; it was a comfortable size with average furnishings and plaster white walls. The walls had an old faded look to them and by staring intensely at them; Alexander could see the beige painting turning to more of a tan. The floor continued to creak with every step, making his head pound.
The apartment was pretty large for someone as young as Alexander. In fact, the owner was quite surprised of how a twelve year old child was able to rent out such a place. Ever since he was found by Father Leibniz and taken in as an apprentice of the church, he has found much wealth within working for them. He moved into the apartments in order to get away from work. Also the smell of sulfur lingered along the place and that made him feel sick. He didn’t understand why they didn’t just establish another church somewhere else, with all the money they make within their donations. He no longer cared since he finally was able to get a place of his own. Alexander continued down a short hallway just past the living room that led to the kitchen. He flipped the switch that was just to the left as he entered. The light quickly flashed revealing a wondrous kitchen. The walls were lime colored and the floors contained beautiful white tiles with ivy designs placed along the edge of each tile. The kitchen was large for a small apartment. It had maple cabinets placed just above the counters to the left of the entrance way. The counters were marble with silver lined just beneath them. There were not many items or appliances around due to Alexander didn't have anything when he moved in. So all he had was a couple of bowls, a plate, and little silverware. He did not have a stove so he heated up instant meals in a microwavable oven, and for breakfast he usually had toast and left-overs that were placed in the fridge the night before.
Alexander received a call from Father Morgue, the head-master’s assistant, and said they had a client come and paid to hire exorcists to relinquish the omens that dwelled within his restaurant that was located just west of the city, and he required Alexander and his master, Leibniz, to take a look. Though Alexander was not yet graduated and registered as an official Exorcist, he was working under his master who was one. His master was a joyful man, and often didn't act like what a thirty-five year old man should. It annoyed Alexander at times, but in the same sense gave him pleasure to see his master enjoying life since he was not. This simple fact of not caring for his own life made the council wonder if Alexander was suited to be an Exorcist. Alexander didn't understand why this mattered to the council, he just convinced himself that they were being prejudice of his age and thought they were just using the other reason as an excuse to hide the true reason.
The room was silent as Alexander was daydreaming of the image he dreamt earlier. His blue eyes became blank as the nightmare continuously ran though his mind like a tape recorder being replayed over and over. He sat there for five minutes, then broke out of his trance and went into the room to get dressed into the white suit that was given to him by Brother Simone who was one of his only friends in the organization due to the fact that Alexander was too serious for his own good, though Alexander had a playful side that only Simone knew. When he was finishing the Barings on his cufflinks he grabbed his white long coat that bore the emblem of the church on his left breast. He wasted no time to head out the door, locking it on his way out. He hastily moved down the steps and immediately headed to the street where he took a taxi to Östlicherwind Avenue.
Alexander awoke with sweat trickling down his chin. Still startled from the nightmare, he rose from bed with quivering legs. He had the same nightmare for two weeks, and wondered why something from two years ago was just now haunting him endlessly. Shaking off the uneasy paranoia, Alexander headed to the kitchen to grab an early meal. The floor creaked as he walked, feeling cold and rough under his feet. The room was of an old English furnishing, consisting of a dresser, bed, wardrobe, and a nightstand. The room was lit by the young morning sun peaking through the buildings in the city of Dresden through a small window opening to the left of where he was standing. He exited the room and appeared in the living room quarters; it was a comfortable size with average furnishings and plaster white walls. The walls had an old faded look to them and by staring intensely at them; Alexander could see the beige painting turning to more of a tan. The floor continued to creak with every step, making his head pound.
The apartment was pretty large for someone as young as Alexander. In fact, the owner was quite surprised of how a twelve year old child was able to rent out such a place. Ever since he was found by Father Leibniz and taken in as an apprentice of the church, he has found much wealth within working for them. He moved into the apartments in order to get away from work. Also the smell of sulfur lingered along the place and that made him feel sick. He didn’t understand why they didn’t just establish another church somewhere else, with all the money they make within their donations. He no longer cared since he finally was able to get a place of his own. Alexander continued down a short hallway just past the living room that led to the kitchen. He flipped the switch that was just to the left as he entered. The light quickly flashed revealing a wondrous kitchen. The walls were lime colored and the floors contained beautiful white tiles with ivy designs placed along the edge of each tile. The kitchen was large for a small apartment. It had maple cabinets placed just above the counters to the left of the entrance way. The counters were marble with silver lined just beneath them. There were not many items or appliances around due to Alexander didn't have anything when he moved in. So all he had was a couple of bowls, a plate, and little silverware. He did not have a stove so he heated up instant meals in a microwavable oven, and for breakfast he usually had toast and left-overs that were placed in the fridge the night before.
Alexander received a call from Father Morgue, the head-master’s assistant, and said they had a client come and paid to hire exorcists to relinquish the omens that dwelled within his restaurant that was located just west of the city, and he required Alexander and his master, Leibniz, to take a look. Though Alexander was not yet graduated and registered as an official Exorcist, he was working under his master who was one. His master was a joyful man, and often didn't act like what a thirty-five year old man should. It annoyed Alexander at times, but in the same sense gave him pleasure to see his master enjoying life since he was not. This simple fact of not caring for his own life made the council wonder if Alexander was suited to be an Exorcist. Alexander didn't understand why this mattered to the council, he just convinced himself that they were being prejudice of his age and thought they were just using the other reason as an excuse to hide the true reason.
The room was silent as Alexander was daydreaming of the image he dreamt earlier. His blue eyes became blank as the nightmare continuously ran though his mind like a tape recorder being replayed over and over. He sat there for five minutes, then broke out of his trance and went into the room to get dressed into the white suit that was given to him by Brother Simone who was one of his only friends in the organization due to the fact that Alexander was too serious for his own good, though Alexander had a playful side that only Simone knew. When he was finishing the Barings on his cufflinks he grabbed his white long coat that bore the emblem of the church on his left breast. He wasted no time to head out the door, locking it on his way out. He hastily moved down the steps and immediately headed to the street where he took a taxi to Östlicherwind Avenue.
Here is the first chapter of the story. Enjoy
Comments7
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I have read up to this so far, and I like how it transits from the dream to this.
Rei made some good points, which I will probably repeat in some way, haha.
You have a great story coming together and ideas. Your grammar and technique is great, but you are a sucker for adjectives and scenery description as I fall guilty to sometimes.
My teacher summed it up well, "You write well Victoria, but you have so much detail it looks like purple prose." Purple prose is usually related to romance novels, known for detailing every little thing. I was so insulted, but it made me think.
Now, I don't think yours or my writing is like that, but it got the point across. Sometimes less is more.
For example, when Alex awakes in his room, instead of mentioning every item present you can still set an atmosphere, and one that lets the audience fill in the furnishing details: "Alex awoke in a faded, old room furnished with antique English-style furniture." Not the greatest sentence, but I hope it makes sense.
Now, I think other parts of the story could be expanded, while the room details can be minimized.
Like this guy sounds pretty intriguing, and maybe if you expanded it, we could understand better Alex's frustration with his glee:
His master was a joyful man, and often didn't act like what a thirty-five year old man should.
You have the mechanics, and a good story set, but I think adjectives and scenery are overtaking the story. Atmosphere is definitely necessary, as is description, but I think you need to develop your characters more, because they are interesting and myself, and I think your people will be more intrigued and anxious to read if you talk more about them and cut down imagery.
Take it from someone who still is guilty of being a sucker for detailing everything-I think the beauty of writing is making something that tells your story but leaves enough open for readers to fill in gaps and makes them think!
I hope that helps, and I like it! Off I go to read more.
Rei made some good points, which I will probably repeat in some way, haha.
You have a great story coming together and ideas. Your grammar and technique is great, but you are a sucker for adjectives and scenery description as I fall guilty to sometimes.
My teacher summed it up well, "You write well Victoria, but you have so much detail it looks like purple prose." Purple prose is usually related to romance novels, known for detailing every little thing. I was so insulted, but it made me think.
Now, I don't think yours or my writing is like that, but it got the point across. Sometimes less is more.
For example, when Alex awakes in his room, instead of mentioning every item present you can still set an atmosphere, and one that lets the audience fill in the furnishing details: "Alex awoke in a faded, old room furnished with antique English-style furniture." Not the greatest sentence, but I hope it makes sense.
Now, I think other parts of the story could be expanded, while the room details can be minimized.
Like this guy sounds pretty intriguing, and maybe if you expanded it, we could understand better Alex's frustration with his glee:
His master was a joyful man, and often didn't act like what a thirty-five year old man should.
You have the mechanics, and a good story set, but I think adjectives and scenery are overtaking the story. Atmosphere is definitely necessary, as is description, but I think you need to develop your characters more, because they are interesting and myself, and I think your people will be more intrigued and anxious to read if you talk more about them and cut down imagery.
Take it from someone who still is guilty of being a sucker for detailing everything-I think the beauty of writing is making something that tells your story but leaves enough open for readers to fill in gaps and makes them think!
I hope that helps, and I like it! Off I go to read more.